Nadaaniyan's lack of charm, chemistry and cheek fails to create any ripples, sighs Sukanya Verma.
Colleges are swanky theme parks for fashion and filmi romances in Karan Johar's universe. From Kuch Kuch Hota Hai to Student of the Year, the coolness quotient in his depiction is a no-expense-spared fantasy we continue to live in vicariously.
No wonder his more hand-me-down home productions and streaming offshoots have no desire to escape its allure. Only the pretty leans heavily towards plastic in Nadaniyaan, the Netflix campus romance directed by his Rocky Aur Rani Ki Prem Kahaani assistant Shauna Gautam based on Riva Razdan Kapoor's story.
Desperate high schooler striking a mutually beneficial deal with a fellow student to play her pretend boyfriend for a few days until they actually fall in love causing complications is a done-to-death Hollywood trope.
Recycling the likes of Drive Me Crazy and ilk for its hackneyed plot and a wannabe attempt at Never Have I Ever's self-aware humour, Nadaaniyan's lack of charm, chemistry and cheek fails to create any ripples.
Set in a fancy schmancy Delhi international school where twelfth graders converse in social media catchwords, contemplate Ivy league education in designer totes and preppy chic, portray friendships as scrapbooks of selfies stamped in animated hearts and emojis and mock at classmates hailing from not-so-upscale parts of the city in such over-the-top snobbish tone, it's like back to college with Gulshan Grover in his windbag era all over again.
Bollywood's Gen Z stories need more than a Orry cameo to snap out of its Gen X mindset if it plans to get anywhere with its Delhi vs NCR, SoBo vs suburbs, small town versus cities socio-cultural divide, in search of smarter arguments than the relentless 'Nyodda' jibes.
As the 'poster princess' of this 'privileged and entitled' kingdom, Pia Jaisingh (Khushi Kapoor) kicks off the charade when her two best friends refuse to believe she has nothing to do with the cad one of them is crushing on.
Instead of feeling disgusted at a classmate's stalker syndrome towards Pia, her pal wonders why she's leading him on by not responding to his creepy texts. A few scenes later, the same pal proudly proclaims, 'stalking is my number one talent.'
And yet pushover Pia fabricates a boyfriend just to erase her bestie's doubts. The other BFF is no better and congratulates this fake paramour by saying, 'Great job landing P.'
For a movie so hung up on red flags, Pia's own backyard is teeming in trouble.
A classic poor little rich girl standing in front of her friends (and family) asking them to love her yet not entirely above mischief if need be, Pia is the sort of spirited, sneaky, scatterbrained yet sensitive character Lindsay Lohan's entire teenage career is build on and in recent times only Maitreyi Ramakrishnan's portrayal of Devi Vishwakumar in Never Have I Ever has been able to do full justice to.
Khushi Kapoor is too plain for the part. Although she keeps shaking her head so vigorously, if it was a piggy bank, there'd be coins falling off on the ground.
She is convincing in scenes of emotional outbursts around her estranged parents (Mahima Chaudhry, Suniel Shetty) but doesn't quite capture the impishness of Pia's impulses.
What about her too-good-to-be-true love interest?
Nadaaniyan's prime purpose is to showcase Amrita Singh and Saif Ali Khan's son.
Ibrahim Ali Khan plays Arjun Mehta whose list of accomplishments include national level swimmer, class topper, debate captain, future Ivy league lawyer and app creator of an accessible legal service that he'll immediately sell off to Google after it becomes a hit.
On the visual front, his chiselled jawline, regularly flaunted six packs and groovy dance moves are documented in deep detail to assert his attributes. As are his frowns that ensure there's nothing lovey-dovey to behold around him and his leading lady.
The focus is more on modelling a star kid than moulding a newcomer. Funny how the paparazzi regularly haunting Ibrahim's gym trips capture a far more relaxed and disarming side to his persona than the film.
Shauna Gautam's filmmaking has no voice. Riva Razdan Kapoor's script has no vision. Nadaaniyan never goes beyond a hack job packaged by folks living in a bubble.
Nor does its young cast possess the wit to trifle with the superficiality on display.
The parody of the Internet's excesses is lost in the actor's drab delivery. Be it when Arjun repeats a line you've come across a zillion times on the Web, 'You are so hot you must be the cause of global warming,' or Pia's so-called razor sharp mind expressing the degree of her displeasure as, 'My highlighter is losing its glow.'
Leave it to the seniors then to do the job starting with the composer-lyricist team of Sachin-Jigar and Amitabh Bhattacharya. Their score is easily the liveliest, happiest thing about Nadaaniyan.
In a sparkling crossover, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai's coquettish campus veteran is at it again. Archana Puran Singh gleefully slips back into Ms Braganza's high-heeled shoes, only this time as Mrs Braganza Malhotra and provides the rom-com some easy laughs. Although one does wish Dhritiman Chatterjee's calibre wasn't squandered away to play a now you see him, now you don't preserver of patriarchy.
Ibrahim's onscreen mummy and daddy are an interesting pick if not always right. Dia Mirza is grace personified but doesn't quite exude teen mother energy. Yet. She looks far too sensible to be a helicopter mom embarrassing her son in front of his friends by discussing his dirty underwear and laundry.
Beloved child actor turned star son's screen daddy, Jugal Hansraj is a lot more grounded and comforting in his manner.
Now Suniel Shetty, as the hot topic of Delhi's kitty party circles I can still live with but the man's affable persona is simply too strong to pull off the callous dad he's projecting. How good is Mahima Chaudhry though?
Nadaaniyan doesn't have time to dwell on her insecurity and complexities as a woman berated for failing to produce a male heir but the 90s debutant succeeds in revealing her inner trauma in very little.
But for the digital generation seeking AI intervention to learn how to act like a couple in love, time to acquaint yourself with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai's first lesson in dosti.
Nadaaniyan streams on Netflix.
- MOVIE REVIEWS
