Desh needs you, cries an intelligence agent at the titular twosome of Bade Miyan Chote Miyan when a demented enemy of the country declares war on India backed by his AI-enabled men in masks.

Predictably, a pair of 'my ego is greater than my talent' bragging hunks will rise to the occasion when nuking the neighbouring countries seems as easy as making microwave popcorn.

Director Ali Abbas Zafar sharing a writing credit for story, screenplay and dialogue takes one for creating these characters, more like clowns, too. Where else in the world but Zafar's Hollywood stuffed head will disgraced soldiers be treated like earth's mightiest heroes?

And so, clad in trendy clothes and slow motion swagger, these globetrotting, gun-toting heroes on hire highlight the merits of a harebrained plot that's got more bullets than brains in its storytelling.

Suffice to say it's nothing like the Amitabh Bachchan-Govinda 1998 comedy of the same name starring the pitch-perfect entertainers in double roles.

Forget comic chops, you'll not find an ounce of camaraderie between Akshay Kumar and Tiger Shroff as they go about firing ammo and flexing abs at a zombie-like army for nearly three excruciating hours of this noisy drivel.

Good wins over evil, sure.